me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
