We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
