He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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