fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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