He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
