All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
