i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
