You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
