Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
