Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
