Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
