I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
