he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
