a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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