Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I love having hate sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
