im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
