Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
