trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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