Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
