I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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