Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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