You're my little dorito
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
