I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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