your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
