When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
