Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
