I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
