Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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