Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
