i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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