do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
