So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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