the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
