im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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