i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
barbara walters just said penis...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
