My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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