Jerry, you need to find god
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
