I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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