guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
