my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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