In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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