he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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