please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
