I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
