I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
