six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
