I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
