I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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