Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just found a bag of teeth...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
