i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this boner is exhausting
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
