I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
