Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
